Freebie Day

Yesterday was a fortune kissed day, I guess. My wife was a little disappointed that the usual rib roast that is the center piece of one of the two holiday dinners wasn’t happening this time around. Tightened budget and $10.59 per pound put that plan on the back burner. Until… We popped into our favorite store. A little shopping for the celebrations for the new year. We end up in the meat section. She was determined to have some kind of steak before we started the drinking. So the plan was for chuck steaks instead. On sale at $2.20 per pound made it not a bad plan. But lo and behold. What did we find in the midst of the beef? A 3.5 pound rib roast that was $6.99 per pound. She found her roast for less than $23. Don’t try doing the math at this point. I know the numbers are off… The only problem was that the wrapping had experienced some damage. Sooooooo…. (stay with me here) She caught the nearest butcher department worker who promptly dropped two packages of center cut pork chops in the cart. She then asked him to REWRAP the roast for purchase and transport. After he walked off she asked if I had ordered center cuts. I looked at her as if she was mad since I was checking out the $1 per pound pork shoulder at the time. For those of you who ain’t been paying attention, I am frugal. So center cut chops are not something that I would think to grab with out a really good sale price. So we figured that he wasn’t too swift or that all black folk look alike to him. He comes back with the roast in hand, rewrapped and with a new label and an explanation. NEW LABEL I SAID! Why did he go and reweigh and all that when he just needed another layer of plastic wrap? The new label of course had a price that was around $31. So after The Wife kindly told him that the price was wrong, the began to explain to the other butcher what happened. Apparently not only was the price per pound different, but the weight was also different. By a whole pound. Now both of these guys must be new since in Michigan is the product is sold at the posted price if the customer finds it that way. Correct price or not. They had to call the manager. He told them to find the old price tag and hand it over.

THEN we go to KFC for a little Hot Wing action since they are only available for a limited time. We make our order. We are told that there would be a wait. We didn’t mind the wait since that meant fresh food. We were offered free drinks while we waited. Cool! Of course there is an overbearing manager in the place or there wouldn’t be a story. She of course did her overbearing thing and screwed up. Another couple came in right around the time our wings were done and ordered, you guessed it, Hot Wings. What did overbearing manager do? Gave them our damn chicken instead of filling our order first. She was promptly informed of her error by the person who was SUPPOSED to be working that register. Which led us to taking bets on what was gonna happen next. They were of course short for our order. So they offered us those nasty ass honey barbecue wings. That almost got some shyt started. Instead they got their heads outta their asses and gave us six crispy strips and four biscuits to make up for the missing six hot wings. We decided not to trip and run off with our additional good fortune. Of course we did notice that they sent he black kid out to deal with us. He was the only one who didn’t help us before. Go figger!

THEN we found the bottles of wine that we have been searching for over a year to drink. Even better they were 2 for 1!

Okay it all wasn’t free. But it might as well have been.

You know what else. I didn’t have jack shit to talk about today. That is why you all had to read this book.

Love Ya Babies! Have a Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

We will have to compare inebriation stories next year!

The Christmas Cheer

I found it in two dogs yesterday. Kurn (my dog) did his best 7 year old on Christmas morning bit when my nephew gave him a gift. There was an old love seat in the house. It saw it’s last day here and was thrown out. My nephew decided to save the pillows. He gave them to my dog. Talk about happy. He tried to climb on them, sniff them, move them and run around them all at the same time. I guess he realized that he needed to decide and laid down. I don’t know if he was happier because he gets to lay six inches above the floor, doesn’t have to lay on the floor or because he doesn’t have to get in trouble for stealing folks clothes and laying on them. Although I think that old habits die hard. The minute he was free and alone, he stole somebody’s shirt and put it on the pillow.

Speedy is my SIL’s spoiled dog. I think he was the one who cleaned up best. I saw no less than five new toys. And he ain’t much bigger than my shoe. Aside from the now too many choices to chew up and the fact that there was company, he had a favorite toy. There was this funny looking orange and white penguin that made noise. It was a strange noise that was a cross between a moan and a fart. But this set Speedy off. To the point that he ran around the house shaking this little thing like it personally cursed all of his ancestors and then scheduled him for neuter surgery while changing his canned food to dry.

Too funny that…

Dog Madness

My dog is a nut. But I think he is learning. I think he realizes that he likes eating and drinking more than he likes using my wood floor for a commode. In fact to prove that point, this morning he was laying asleep in the same spot that his pizzle usually pools up in the floor. And no surprise “foot mines” to walk on either! I was ecstatic! After I persuaded him to stop wasting time licking snow instead of using the out of doors time for bath rooming, he got a nice cold drink of already liquid refreshment. If he keeps this up he may stop getting skinny too! Now if I can only get him to understand that six feet is not enough room to run, then we will be making real progress. Or for that matter get him to understand a simple equation, my leash arm hurting from crazy dog running while attached = steel toed snow boot up the ass.

You think he would learn…

I didn’t have these problems during the spring, summer or most of the autumn…

Tha Old Hood

I was puttering around checking real estate prices. I happened on a spot that mentioned the prices of recent sales. So I checked the old neighborhood. Found three things interesting. My two closest neighbors houses sold recently. The one next door went for a nice price. And then sold again for a significantly smaller price shortly after. The neighbor behind me sold his too. For about a third less than it was on the market for when I was there. And my old house finally sold too. For $9,000 less than I sold it for myself! And mine was an “impending foreclosure, take what you can get, we’re doing you a favor” kinda sale. And it needed a roof bad! The house behind mine sold for $7,000 more than mine did three years ago. But that was still $33,000 less than the last asking price I saw. Wow. Of course the downer is that the house next door is no longer owned by Mr. P. Wonder where he is now. May have to find his son, who lives on my cousin’s block, and see.

Today is the day to appreciate those blessings that you didn’t know you had.

The Bush That Stole Crimmus

I am feeling a bit less ill today. So I will return to my usual illness, already in progress…

G.eorge B.ush done stole Christmas!!!! I say this because I was out walking the dog last night, and noticed three pitiful displays of Christmas lights. This may not have been much to think about but for three things. One, that was for the WHOLE block! Two, they were (indoor) lights in windows only! It was five days before Christmas!!! I mean that would have been fine for the day after Thanksgiving, but this close? The spirit ain’t going around either. Maybe it is just me, but I ain’t feeling it. Nobody I know is feeling it. And it seems that even the advertising is a bit less than usual. Or is it just me? 10 months is far too long just for a glimmer of hope…

From The Voice Recorder…

This next post comes from the mind of an ill individual. Of course some of you would contend that it is my natural state. I won’t argue the point. Could get quite embarrassing to be wrong and lose an argument that is supposed to prove you sane!

What follows are thoughts mumbled into a voice recorder by a man in a dark place.

It’s hard to be misunderstood, for the greater good
It’s easy to misunderstand, when you don’t understand what it is
In this case the greater good is what’s best for everybody else in the long run
Although it is really not best for me
Long run or short run
I sacrifice because, well, that’s what I do
For that greater good
I stick myself in the line of fire of resentment
from many
For various reasons
Because I promote that greater good
Over the desires of right now
The good for now versus the good for later
That overreaching thing that will bind everyone together is not what’s understood
It’s just what is now that is desired
It is what is now that’s only important to those I am in the line of fire of
At this point, I am not even sure that I understand what it’s worth is
I’m not really even sure if it is worth it
To me
Or to them
I stand in the breech, hoping to forestall an attack on those behind me
But they don’t understand
Or they don’t care
Or maybe it is just that I don’t understand
And they maybe do more than I do
Probably should just step on
Get out of the way
And find my own fate
Find my own understanding
Find my own way
Maybe the whole time, what I have been doing has been fruitless
And unworthy
Only time will tell for sure
But maybe it is time for me to stop
And find my own path
Again…

Of course, I blame the pharmaceuticals for this…

Pissed!

I am sick as hell. Niagara Falls has seemed to relocate to somewhere in my nasal passages. The sneezing is downright painful. Feels like I have a firecracker exploding in my head in triplicate. I may or may not show my face before Friday. Now where is that damn order form for Nana’s soup?

Harry Mania!

Finally got my Harry Potter fix this year! I managed to finally see the fifth film and read the seventh book this weekend. Both good! With a nice few little surprises in the book!

Also, I Am Legend was off the hook. At least that is my own humble point of view. I gave it a 9 out of 10. But only because I didn’t like the way it ended. But not every story ends like you want it to. It just ends the way it does…

The Old Sleaze Test

How sleazy are you? Aw hell, who am I foolin’? Y’all are a bunch of escapees from Old Rome. Y’all done did some shyt in ya lives! I know it, you know it. So spill it… Here it is! The good old Sleaze Test!

The rules are as follows…

This is fun to do. Just read the ‘offense’ and if you’ve done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you’ve read each ‘offense’ and add up your total fine. Title your comment ‘My Bail is $……..’
You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. Of course if you wanna share, I don’t mind reading about your debauchery…

Smoked pot — $10

Did acid — $5

Ever had sex at church — $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you– $40

Had sex with someone on My Space — $25

Had sex for money — $100

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican — $20

Vandalized something — $20

Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10

Beat up someone — $20

Been jumped — $10

Crossed dressed — $10

Given money to stripper — $25

Been in love with a stripper — $20

Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know –$10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15

Ever drive drunk — $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50

Used toys while having sex — $30

Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20

Went skinny dipping — $5

Had sex in a pool — $20

Kissed someone of the same sex — $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20

Cheated on your significant other — $10

Masturbated — $10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20

Done oral — $5

Got oral — $5

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving — $25

Stole something — $10

Had sex with someone in jail — $25

Made a nasty home video — $15

Had a threesome — $50

Had sex in the wild — $20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20

Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50

Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25

Went streaking — $5

Went streaking in broad daylight — $15

Been arrested — $5

Spent time in jail — $15

Peed in the pool — $0.50

Played spin the bottle — $5

Done something you regret — $20

Had sex with your best friend >– $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work –$25

Had anal sex — $80

Lied to your mate — $5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

OK , now tally up your answers, and post them in the comment section!

I thought of making this a tag, but the wave of volunteering seems to have come over folk. So I leave you on your honor.

But I will tag folk if I need to! So fess up!

Mmmm…. Piiiieeee….

I baked pie y’all! See…

The story on these are that it was supposed to be a simple single pie to test the concept. Well. I went and bought 10 huge apples. Huge meaning roughly softball size. I peeled six of them before I started slicing them. I realized that only about half would fit in a deep dish Pet-Ritz (okay it was Meijer brand) pie shell. Yeah I cheated. So what? Anyway, too many apples. I finished assembling the innards of the first (the ugly one) pie. I attempted to top it with the second shell from the pack. That didn’t go over too well. Turns out I let it thaw too much while it was in the pan. Okay, on to plan B. Kinda sucked because plan A allowed me to be lazy and not make pie crusts. What you gonna do? So I solved the sticky pie shell and over abundance of cut apple problems by making a second (the pretty one) pie! Of course I needed to break out the mixing bowls and such because there ain’t nothing sadder than a topless fruit pie. Sooooooo… I got out the cookbook and got to mixing. This resulted in my first pie crust. I bet you can guess which pie that one went on! Since I the whole experiment was an exercise in learning, I learned that the recipe in the book makes one dry ass crust. So I improvised on the second. And of course pretty pie was the result. In fact that crust rolled out so nice that I had a bunch of extra dough. So of course I used them. Like I said, too much Food Network!

Things I learned.

1. The book ain’t a better cook than me.
2. Bake longer, apples get softer.
3. I watch too much damn Food Network (I am blaming The Wife for that!)
4. I CAN DO PIE!
5. Da hell with Pet-Ritz!
6. Butter makes it better.
7. Da next time I will tackle the butter crust! Of course that may make it taste so freakin’ good that I will be tempted to “American Pie” the damn thing instead of eating it out!

Next up, solving the logistics of the Cookie Christmas Gifts! You know how many, what varieties, to whom?